Archive: "Whore it out."

(December 28, 2007)

a friend of ours has been known to call people who have had sex "whores". this friend has recently ben having sex, and from what i've been told she really fucking likes it. alas, she sill claims she is a virgin. how do we get her to admit it, and knock her off of her high fucking horse.

sincerely,
Bitch Goin' Down

I feel like I have to spend a lot of time explaining terms to you bitches. And yet... here we go.

"Whore" is a term for someone who has sex for money. If you're just having sex because you like it, then you're a slut. Or a hussy. Or a dicksucking ball bandit. Or any of the many terms used for men who have lots of sex - oh wait. That doesn't happen because this sex bullshit is so one-sided. I know that the whole dilemma of "slut vs. player" has been discussed to death, but GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. Liking sex is natural. Fuck those who say otherwise, because it just means they're jealous.

Alright, so next problem. How is this girl saying she's a virgin? Does she only have sex in the ass? Does she use a strap-on and fuck her significant other (not assuming sexual orientation)? Does she... I mean, I don't know what else. Obviously, it's not just oral sex. Everyone knows that's not REAL sex. If the 13 year-olds are doing it, it must be chaste, right?

But here's the thing about your friend's predicament: virgins get the dick more easily. (Oh wait, that's assuming sexual orientation, right? Whatever, this cunt is totally hetero, otherwise she'd accept her sluttiness.) So she's probably still claiming her virginity because a) she thinks boys won't like her as much if she's "tainted" or b) she knows what a draw virgins are to boys. Either way, she's a fucking twatface, and if you're not gonna tell her so, just kick her to the fucking curb.

Here's a more pressing matter: why do you care so much? Your friend's a hypocritical cum-guzzling cockmonger, and you worry that she's calling you a whore? Come with it. You have some problems of your own.

Are you having sex? Do you feel guilty about this sex? Because you shouldn't. Unless you're pregnant, or have an STD, or are fucking a married dude, you're fine. Sex is completely natural, like I said. I am so tired of people acting like prudes about it. IT'S JUST SEX. I used to feel guilty about having sex every day, especially since it was with a different guy every time. But see, every animal is wired to want to have sex. It just so happens that humans are also wired to feel guilty about it. Once you realize that red deer (look it up - I saw it on "Planet Earth") alpha males have sex with EVERY female in their group, you'll feel better. Although... that just goes back to the whole male/female dynamic that drives me up the fucking wall.

Just use a fucking CONDOM (seriously... no, seriously) and get it on whenever, and with whoever you like. If the other person feels bad, that's their problem. Unless it was bad sex. In that case... well, that's another Axe Tashina question for another day.

P.S. I also don't get women getting all emotional after sex. I mean, I've been emotional (if you call "orgasming" being emotional...), but this whole idea that having sex equals a relationship is ri-motherfucking-diculous. Unless you're already in a relationship, a man is not going to want to date you once he's had sex with you. You know, the whole "buy the milk/cow for free" metaphor. He'll just fuck you, make false promises (if he wants to fuck you again), and you'll be left wondering where your life went. How depressing for you, you stupid stupid stupid stupid girl.