I lurve "Axe Tashina." People no longer love MySpace. Thus, mi blogre. (Fine, it's not Spanish... but what is "blog" in Spanish?) I'll transfer it here. Here's my previous description:
What is "Axe Tashina"? Think of it as a "Dear Abby" or any other terrible advice column you might come across. Any question you ask, I'll have an answer for it. It may not be the right answer, but it'll be an answer, and you'll feel better afterwards.
Lemme break down the name for you. "Axe" comes from the idea of "ask," except with a ghetto vibe to it. Instead of ghettoizing the spelling, however, I wanted to give it an air of pretentiousness. So although it's pronounced ghetto, it's spelled pretentiously. Like me: ghetto and pretentious. Get it? Now, before any ethnic folk start cramming political correctness down my throat, allow me to remind you. My first name is Tashina. My middle name is Chivonne. Do not let the pale skin and blonde hair fool you. I'm black, bitches. I even have a card to prove it.
Ah... the age old dilemmas of life. They tear at you, weigh on you, hump you until you're raw. It's annoying, upsetting, and sometimes uncomfortable. Thus - my new page. I know that all of you have burning questions that you need to get off your genitals... er, chests. That's why I'm here. To answer them. Just message or comment me your question, and I'll answer it in my blog. If you would like to remain anonymous, make sure to message it, and give me a pseudonym to put in for you. It's easy!
So. Either MySpace or Facebook me your questions, and I'll answer them here. I'll still post the answers on MySpace as well, but this will make it available for all! And yes, I realize this is incredibly vain... but I'm guessing that most of you are theatre/film people, which means you're just as vain as me. So get honest with yourself and get over it.And now I'll leave you with a "best of" from my previous blog:
Dear Axe Tashina!
i was wondering should i douche. i know they say douching is bad for my P.H. balance but for some reason whenever i don't douche, my vagina doesn't smell........fresh, for lack of a better word. should i risk my P.H. balance so that my vagina smells pretty.
sincerely,
Doucheless in Dallas
Dear Doucheless,
First of all, let me quote the most reliable of sources, my dear friend Wikipedia: "Many health care professionals state that douching is dangerous, as it interferes with both the vagina's normal self-cleaning and with the natural bacterial culture of the vagina, and it might spread or introduce infections. For example, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services strongly discourages douching, warning that it can lead to irritation, bacterial vaginosis, and pelvic inflammatory disease aka PID."
In other words? Don't douche. I mean, you can still douche if you want to ("It's my vaggie, and I'll douche if I want to..."), but I hope that you also never want to have children. Or have a child that has half of his head crushed in by the weight of your douchetacular womb. It's like when women have crack babies, except yours will be a douche baby. Then he'll get picked on at school. "Look," the other children will exclaim, "It's Douchey McDoucherton! Let's kick him!" And then they'll kick him. They're kids - they're not that witty yet. And your baby's a boy. I hope you already knew that. If not... oops! And congratulations!
Come on. You obviously already know that it's bad for you, even though I have a strong feeling that you have no idea what a pH balance even is, other than what you've heard in Secret deodorant commercials. So let me break it down for you: you are killing your vagina. Literally. When you douche, you make your lady lump more likely to catch an infection. And I'm not just talking yeast, here. I'm talking the EBOLA VIRUS all up in your good girl. Or, well... okay, not the ebola virus, but you get my point. Bacterial vaginosis is not fun. Look at the name. It doesn't even SOUND fun, like chlamydia or syphilis, and I think we all know how not fun those are. And then there's pelvis inflammatory disease, and even though I don't really know what that is, I don't want it. Do you really want to be the girl with PID? Can't you just already imagine the conversations your friends will have? "What's wrong with her?" "Dude, she's got the pid." (hysterical laughter) Awkward. Although... heh. The pid. I totally want someone I know to get PID just so I can bring "the pid" into everyday conversation.
Also? Using the those stupid towlettes that companies are coming out with is NOT better. You are almost as likely to cause damage that way, even though it's not quite as obtrusive as sticking some hose up your hoo-hoo. And maybe your baby will be a little less with the concave douche head. But: still bad. So let's think of some alternatives, shall we?
Or one alternative: BATHE. "Wait," you're thinking, "I already do that! I ain't no stinky ho." Yes you are. Or you're not, and you get too involved in cleaning other parts of your body, and then you hop out of the shower, forgetting to clean the cunt. A common problem amongst STINKY HOES. Ahem. So then you think that the douching will solve the problem, which it won't, because you need to just wash your damn clam. Now, when I was a stinky ho, I came up with a system that allowed me to always remember to wash everywhere: the acronym FLAVA FLAV. F - front, L - labia, A - all over, V - vagina, A - again... and then repeat the first four letters. Think about it. You're washing your babymaker at least 4 times! And if you include the vagina in the "front" and "all over" portions of your washing schedule, you're washing it 8 times! That Flava Flav is a genius. He likes his stinky hoes with fresh-smelling holes.
Now, if that doesn't work for you, there's something we need to think about here. My pal Wiki mentioned that douching fucks up your vaginal self-cleaning. So if you still have funky vag after all the washing... maybe your vag has broken down. She no longer self-cleans, which is usually her way of telling you that you're a slut. It's like "Finding Nemo," when the fish stop cleaning the tank in protest. Your vagina is protesting your extracurricular fucktivites, and she will stink up your whole life if you don't calm down. The douching is just making her angrier, and in response, smellier. Buy a vibrator, and use it religiously until she starts doing her job again.
Alright. I think that's pretty much all I got on the douche, unless I want to do more research. Which I don't. What is this, douche school? No thanks. Ooh, and I think that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services should use this new motto: "Don't be a douche - DON'T DOUCHE!" Oh wait. That's just stupid.
(Final note: If you are Doucheless in Dallas, and you are in fact a virgin, or at least not actually a ho, then... I don't fucking know. Go see a gynecologist and quit bugging me with your ho-ish questions. And? WHO THE FUCK STILL DOUCHES?!?!?!)
